I first had the pleasure of meeting Mr. R, 52, who works in real estate, and his 49-year-old wife of 24 years, Mrs. R, who juggles her role as a mother to their 12-year-old son with her career in the medical field, when I received a message through Bountiful Fruits’ official Facebook page, and have now had the pleasure of exchanging e-mails with them on several occasions. When I first met this amazing husband and wife, I was instantly touched by their moving description of the “loving quiet time” they share as a long-time married couple. This devoted pair truly reaffirm the bond that two people can create within a dedicated ANR–even when lactation is not a factor within it. Please enjoy their story!
An Interview with Mr. and Mrs. R
LMM: Before we begin, I want to thank you again for graciously agreeing to share your personal story with others. How did you first discover ANR, and what interested you most about the lifestyle?
Mrs. R: Along with our son, who was a bit of a pleasant surprise to us, we are the parents of two daughters, ages 22 and 21, who are now living on their own. I did not nurse either girl, but when our son came along, I told Mr. R that I would like to attempt breastfeeding, which he was very supportive of, and it was during a sexual encounter mething of a “happy accident”?
Mr. R: Exactly! Neither one of us would have given adult nursing any thought if we hadn’t discovered it on our own. I enjoyed the first experience, and wanted to try it again, but I wasn’t sure how to tell Mrs. R how I felt. Because she seemed to enjoy our quiet time together, I took the liberty of nursing again a few nights later, to see how she would react to the experience.
Mrs. R: It took me by surprise, but it was the best feeling! The experience was so gentle and loving; I’d never felt so close to him as I did when he was nursing, and I knew that this was something I wanted to continue, but I still wasn’t sure how to tell him, so he just continued to nurse, and it became a normal part of our quiet time together.
LMM: Did you ever decide to openly discuss what you were sharing?
Mrs. R: After a while, we did. I remember thinking, Oh, this is silly! I need to tell him how I feel! [laughs] I was very surprised that it was so difficult for me to bring this up to him, but I realized how important it was, so when we had a private moment together, I told him how much I loved what we were sharing, and that I wanted it to continue.
Mr. R: And that was such a relief because I’d been trying to decide how to open the conversation with her, too. No matter how long you’ve been married, I think something like this is always going to be a little tricky to talk about. The fear of rejection is there, and you aren’t sure how your spouse is going to react to the idea. But I agree–it’s important to talk about it.
LMM: How did you respond when Mrs. R told you how she felt?
Mr. R: I told her how much I loved our time together, too, and that it was a part of our life that I could see sharing for a very long time. Men can have a hard time talking about their feelings, but my wife appreciated my honesty, and it brought us closer together. I learned that it was “okay” to do so, to open up, and really talk.
LMM: I think vulnerability is difficult because men are expected to fit into a certain mold based on society’s standards. That is such a valid point–that it is just as important for men to have the chance to openly communicate as it is for women. And, it’s also important to show others that communication can be something as simple as saying, I love this.
Mrs. R: I agree! Just telling one another how we felt, in just a few words, led to a longer conversation, and it was amazing.
Mr. R: Our relationship has actually helped to keep those lines of communication open. I think we do talk more now. If you can talk about adult nursing with your spouse, you can talk about anything. [laughs]
LMM: Yes! This is about as intimate as it gets, isn’t it? Did you begin to define your experience as an ANR?
Mrs. R: Not really, but this was because neither he nor I were fully aware that adult nursing was a very real part of other people’s marriages, too. It felt so right for us, so natural, but we didn’t know that it had a name.
Mr. R: We learned a lot more about the lifestyle when I found your blog and shared it with Mrs. R. We spent an entire evening reading it, and I think that’s when everything clicked for us. I don’t know if we can technically define our experience as an ANR, but nursing continues to play a very big part in our marriage.
Mrs. R: I breastfed our son for six months, and when he was weaned, I thought nursing would be over for Mr. R, too. I didn’t realize that we could share this as a couple. After I stopped breastfeeding, it was almost three years before we nursed again. I really missed our quiet time together, I missed that closeness and intimacy, so, one evening, I asked if I could nurse him. He was surprised, I think, because there was no milk, but he was willing to try, which is how we discovered that dry nursing is a very real thing.
Mr. R: And we continued to nurse off an on for about six years before recently committing to nurse two to three times a week.
LMM: Lactation is a part of the nursing experience for many couples, but I understand that you have chosen to dry nurse. What led you to make that decision? And did you ever consider re-lactation?
Mrs. R: Because breastfeeding was a new experience for me after our youngest was born, I didn’t realize how difficult it could be at times. Our son had latching issues, and I found it hard to handle pumping when I was so busy with our daughters and work and the new baby. Mr. R helped with my milk supply, but after our son was no longer breastfed, I didn’t feel the need to continue with lactation.
Mr. R: I enjoyed my wife’s milk, and when we decided to start nursing again, I wasn’t sure if she would be able to produce milk–or even if she would want to. When I found out about re-lactation, after reading your blog, I did bring up the subject, but she wasn’t open to the idea.
Mrs. R: The breast milk was such a nice part of nursing in the past, but I’m not prepared to begin the process all over again at this point in my life. I don’t feel that I have the time to manage lactation. He was really supportive of my decision, especially after I told him how excited I was to begin nursing again.
Mr. R: No matter how I felt, I knew that, in the end, the decision of lactation had to be my wife’s, and I was fine with that. It was good to talk openly about the idea, and to know that it was an option.
LMM: It’s so wonderful to hear from couples who have found their middle ground within the nursing experience. As a couple who has shared a wet nursing experience in the past, can you tell me how the experience differs from what you currently share?
Mrs. R: For me, there really is no difference. I am so happy with the decision we made to dry nurse! We are still sharing special time that means so much to both of us, and the bond is very much the same. We are both learning so much about the experience. I feel very relaxed, knowing that there is no pressure to produce milk, no pressure to maintain a supply. We can just enjoy our quiet time together and grow closer as a couple.
Mr. R: Her breasts give me everything I need. I am finding that milk isn’t a necessary part of nursing. I am more than happy to continue this part of our life just the way it is.
LMM: What advice would you give to other couples who are considering opening an ANR, particularly if one partner is reluctant to try nursing?
Mr. R: Men need to get over those communication hurdles. I think they would be surprised to find out how much it will mean to their wives. Mrs. R found a new respect for me when I willingly opened up to her about nursing. I’ve learned a lot about myself, and about my feelings. I can accept that soft side now. [laughs] I would tell others to be willing to talk–and to try.
Mrs. R: I completely agree with this. I loved that he was so willing to talk about the experience and how it made him feel. That was a very important part of the experience for me. And it still is. Nobody should ever be ashamed of their feelings. Nursing isn’t strange or scary. It’s been a wonderful part of our marriage. Even without lactation, it can be completely enjoyable and rewarding. Just try it for your partner. You might be pleasantly surprised by what you find!
LMM: Once again, thank you both so much for talking with me, and for openly sharing this part of your life with others. I wish you many more happy years of marriage!
Mr. R: Thank you for giving us the chance to discuss our relationship, and for giving us a place to connect. We really appreciate your approach to adult nursing.
Mrs. R: Finding your site has been wonderful. Thank you so much for everything you’re doing. All the best to you!
Seven More Unique ANR Stories
ONE MAN’S OPINION: The Loving Milk Maid’s very own Mr. S discusses his views on the dedicated Adult Nursing Relationship
ISO: LT ANR: Maddie discusses why she no longer searches for the casual nursing relationship
A BEAUTIFUL DISCOVERY: When Samantha and Mr. M opened a loving ANR, they found new levels of love and intimacy that neither had believed possible
MENDING METHOD: Nancy tells how ANR helped to repair a somewhat troubled marriage.
PURE SERENITY: Mr. E shows that love is limitless within the bonds of the marriage he shares with Mrs. D
LONG-DISTANCE LOVE: When her fiancée’s career began to cause stressors in his life, Lily discovered the beautiful–and healthy–aspects of ANR
HAPPILY EVER AFTER: Mr. D and Mrs. A help to shed light on the truly beautiful and normal side of the loving long-term ANR
If you would like to share your story with others, please let me know! All interviews are conducted discreetly and anonymously, as a way to protect contributors’ privacy.