When connecting with others who are thinking of embarking on–or are simply curious about–an ANR–I have discovered that there is a lot of concern regarding emasculation, a terrible stigma that involves “seeing” your husband as “less of a man” simply because he suckles from the breast. A woman whose husband has expressed the desire to nurse recently wrote to me, sharing these very concerns.
“I’m afraid this will change the way I feel about him. How would I ever be able to take him seriously as the head of our household if I let him do that?”
I don’t question or judge her feelings or anxieties regarding this emasculation stigma, nor do I take offense at her concerns. I do believe, however, that if you are experiencing these troubling thoughts, then an ANR is probably not for you.
I am married to an extremely masculine man; as a matter of fact, even S’ job fits into the stereotypical “man mold”. S is tall and strong, very motivated and career-oriented. He is a wonderful man, a fantastic husband, dedicated father, and excellent provider. In our home, and because of our personal spiritual and religious beliefs, I do consider him the head of our household. I rely on him for so much as my strength, life partner, and helpmate. For me, it seems so natural to allow him to take on that masculine role; when we married almost 15 years ago, I chose to be a stay at home wife and mother, a luxury that S afforded to me. Because of this, I see my role in our home as the caregiver. I cook meals and prepare brown bag lunches, I clean the house, do the laundry, tend to my flower beds and garden, and homeschool our children. Since it is my role to nurture, and because I take care of his other needs (with great pleasure), nursing my husband seems to be a very natural part of our life together. Allowing him to feed from my breasts is just one more thing that I can provide for him, and when he is lying in my arms, our warm flesh pressed together, our limbs intertwined, it is magical, and I see no weakness. In my eyes, he is courageous to come so humbly to my breasts; he is a loving man who is enjoying my body in every way that he possibly can.
S is very confident and self-assured; he was a late in life baby, raised by good German people, but in a very austere environment where physical affection was not shown, particularly to–and especially between–males. When we first met, he was surprised by my love of hand-holding, back rubbing, hair stroking, and soft stolen kisses. I think he was even more surprised by his response to such lavish displays, but he soon realized how much he enjoyed my physical attention and grew comfortable enough to reciprocate. We have always had a very affectionate relationship and it has extended to our children. I think his love of nursing began when he first watched me breastfeed our oldest son. He envied the bond, the closeness, that I shared with the baby, and was amazed that I was able to nourish and sustain another human life.
It truly is empowering.
“I am the loving milk maid to an incredibly masculine man!”
To be able to easily nurse a masculine man, he must first be comfortable with his own masculinity. An ANR is not about the man’s “mommy issues”; it’s about the unbreakable bond of intimacy. Perhaps, while nursing, it’s the one time that he doesn’t have to be strong. He can let his guard down, allow the weight of the world to slip from his shoulders, and simply relax. There are no bills to pay, no hinges to tighten, no lawns to mow…there is nothing but his wife’s warm skin, her soft scent, her unabashed willingness to love–and be loved. That is a beautiful thing, and a way for the man to rejuvenate and prepare for the next day when, during normal 9-5 working hours, he is expected to be a “man’s man”. Archaic, perhaps, but a reality.
S is viewed as very masculine in his work place, which employs an all-male work force, and one of his co-workers recently became the father of a breastfed baby. One afternoon, shop talk ensued, and S learned that his co-worker is adverse to breast milk; he doesn’t mind that baby is fed “from the tap”, but he steers clear of it. The fact that his wife is nursing has impeded, rather than enhanced, their sex life. This talk allowed S the opportunity to offer his opinion on breast milk; he told his co-workers that he loved the taste of it, that he enjoyed watching our children nurse, and reactions to this admission varied from curiosity to revulsion; he was teasingly accused of being “freaky” and “kinky”. S took the ribbing in stride, even taking the opportunity to defend his stand on breast milk and nursing. The stories that he tells me, particularly the ones in which his co-workers come to him and broach the subject of “boob juice”, make me wonder how many of them really have a secret desire to sample the goods or nurse directly from the breast, but are too insecure to admit it. If this is the case, it’s such a shame; the male species should never limit or deny themselves pleasure based on societal stigma or the fear of emasculation. For me, there is nothing sexier than a man who knows himself, understands his desires, and indulges in them without fear or shame.
And it is incredibly stimulating to be the woman who has the privilege of nursing that man.
The ANR is a very personal journey, and as comfortable as S and I are with our own nursing relationship, it is still a very private part of our married life, one that we are not able to openly share with others. Our ANR is much different than the occasional adult breastfeeding session done merely for pleasure, and nursing is not utilized in role play; nor is it a fetish, but, rather, a lifestyle, one that offers an exquisitely intimate bonding experience that has brought my husband and I closer together as a married couple. I never thought I could be more in love with S than I was before, but I am. Our ANR has opened my mind–and my heart–to new and fascinating levels of love and understanding.
And it is wonderful.
The Loving Milk Maid’s original post appeared at http://marriedmilkmaid.blogspot.com on 3/27/16, and was revised for www.bountifulfruits.com on 4/13/16,