In the past, I have been asked if it is nursing that has helped to sustain my long marriage, and while Mr. S and I agree that, while adult breastfeeding has certainly played a role in our happiness as a married couple, the experience is more of a cornerstone rather than the foundation of our relationship; we have built our personal ANR around and within what already existed. Healthy relationships are comprised of many facets, a multitude of dynamics, and although one aspect is rarely strong enough to keep two people togetger, it is wonderful to know that we often share a common ground, a mutual joy, that there is one thing we can turn to and rely on to re-connect us. For some, this may be more common and traditional forms of intimate bonding, but for others, it is adult nursing. The time that Mr. S spends at the breast allows us to simply breathe. It is a time of quiet reflection, a time that belongs only to us, when the world slips silently away. We all do what is necessary to keep our marriages strong; recently, I was contacted by a lovely reader named Michelle, who found herself turning to the world of adult nursing as a way to strengthen her 9-year marriage, and asked if she could share her story with others. I hope you enjoy today’s’ guest post. Happy Valentine’s Day!
The Loving Milk Maid
Dear Loving Milk Maid,
I would like to share my ANR journey with you. My husband and I have been married since November 2007. We are the parents of an amazing 6 year old special needs son. I am a stay at home mom. Jay (my husband) works a lot of hours, so I am currently doing most of the care of our son. There are times when marriage is hard (as I’m sure you know), and I have had days when I think I just don’t want to do this anymore. He says he feels that way, too, sometimes. (It is hard to say that because I love my husband and our son. It is also hard to hear him say that)
When our son was a baby, I breastfed him, mostly for the health benefits, and he struggled with it (due to a tongue tie, etc). When I was doing some research about breastfeeding, I read about a woman who breastfed her husband. I told Jay about it, and he didn’t think it was weird or funny. He actually thought it sounded interesting. At the time, because everything was pretty difficult, neither of us gave it any more thought. Until Jay mentioned it to me about a year later.
At the time, I couldn’t really think about it. I wasn’t thinking about much except our son. Maybe I thought my husband was being a little selfish? I think I saw it as another “job”. I didn’t feel that I had the time for that. At first, every time he brought up the subject, I would brush it off, but after a while, I told him no, I would not breastfeed him. I honestly didn’t want to talk about it any more. He never mentioned it again.
Life went on. We had our ups and downs like any husband and wife. We were still happily married (even though sometimes it didn’t feel like we were), but it felt like something was missing. I told Jay this, and he assured me that we were fine. I don’t really know why it happened, but I started to think about the post I’d read on the moms forum when my son was a baby, the one about the woman who breastfed her husband. It had been years since I’d been on that site and I couldn’t find the OP, so I did an online search for adult breastfeeding. And that’s how I found your site.
I started to read every article you posted, and learned that this experience was A LOT different than I thought it would be. I really loved all of the relationship building information. I started to realize that this was something I would be willing to try, something that I wanted to try. Maybe I had always wanted to and just couldn’t admit it? I brought the idea up to my husband, and he was really surprised (to say the least!), and we spent some time reading and researching before we began our ANR.
We have been nursing for a little over a month now and it is the BEST thing that could EVER have happened for us! We are both overjoyed! It is hard to contain our happiness! Things are improving every day, and we have been working more as a team. And we are communicating more. I am less overwhelmed and he is VERY content. ANR has DEFINITELY strengthened our marriage, and I have found that there really IS time for us (even though I didn’t think there would be). I have never felt closer to my husband. He says he feels the same way.
We are still learning about the lifestyle, figuring out what will work for us, but we are currently nursing between 2 and 3 times a week. Inducing lactation will not be an option for me, but we are enjoying the dry nursing so much that breast milk is not a big concern. (If I had time, it is something I would probably pursue because of the health benefits) ANR hasn’t made me love my husband more. It has just made me remember how much I love him.
Thank you for reading this. It is nice to be able to share our story/journey with others.