Dear Loving Milk Maid,
I’m hoping to get some advice. My wife has reluctantly allowed me to dry nurse once per week, with our first session being 3 weeks ago. She is unaware of ANR, she just allows me to suckle. I desperately want to suckle much more, but fearful she will pull away all together. Any suggestions?
No matter how long we’ve been with our partner, or how well we know them, adult breastfeeding adds an entirely new facet to our relationship, and because it’s such an untraditional dynamic, not only is it hard to talk about, it’s almost impossible to predict how our partner will respond to the suggestion of nursing–or, in this case, to the suggestion of increased sessions.
The fact that your wife is allowing you to suckle is a wonderful example of her willingness to compromise and give you something you desire, and, because breastfeeding may be taking her out of her personal “comfort zone”, allowing you to nurse once a week might be all she’s able to offer at this point–and it’s still an amazing gift! Two people do not have to nurse every day to share a committed and fulfilling ANR, and dry nursing can be a completely rewarding experience.
If you think your wife would be open to learning more about the lifestyle, you might want to consider sharing ANR information with her, to help her realize that the experience can be a perfectly normal, natural, and healthy part of marriage. Be honest with her: tell her how you feel when you have the chance to suckle, and how much you appreciate her willingness to try. Make this experience about both of you. Encourage her to share her feelings, too, and be willing to listen to any concerns or reluctance she might have.
I think it’s very important to let your wife know about your desire to suckle more frequently, but it’s how you open the conversation (and your response to her reaction) that will determine if it goes well or not. Start slowly, suggest one additional session per week, and let her know that if she doesn’t feel comfortable with nursing more often, it’s okay. Show her that you’re willing to compromise, but definitely be open and honest enough to tell her that you truly do need that intimate time with her, even if it’s just once a week.
While you decide if opening those lines of communication is right for your relationship, focus on what your wife has been able to give you, rather than what you’d like to experience, and enjoy every minute of your weekly nursing sessions! Remember, adult breastfeeding doesn’t always come naturally (or easily) to everyone; we often build this relationship together, as a couple.
Thank you for the question! I hope this helps!