Dear Loving Milk Maid,
I am a 55-year-old woman who has been happily married to my 44-year-old husband for 10 years. Over the years, we have heard all of the “cougar” and “robbing the cradle” jokes known to man, but they’ve never bothered us because we are very compatible. I’m usually very comfortable with our age difference, until recently, when I learned about ANR. I would love to nurse my husband, but I’m hesitant to bring up the subject to him because I’m afraid it will seem too “mom like” for both of us to enjoy. (Maybe this has more to do with age than anything else? I don’t know.) I’m not concerned with lactation, I would just love to bond intimately with him, and I’ve read about the wonderful things it can do for a marriage. Do you think I should talk to him about this? Is it normal to feel this way? What do you think about my situation? Thank you.
This is a wonderful question because it brings up a subject that a lot of people find difficult to talk about; so many aspects of the adult nursing lifestyle are considered taboo, and a lot of this is because there are so many facets to adult breastfeeding; everybody nurses differently and for different reasons. Unfortunately, because it would be impossible to talk to each nurser on an individual level to find out their personal preference, many people form their opinions on the lifestyle by what they view as the “weirdest” or “worst” dynamics of it. I think it’s also difficult for some people to separate the fantasy of adult nursing from the reality of what two people often share during the experience.
There is no rhyme or reason for why we fall in love with someone, just as there is often no reason behind our desire to nurse. The fear that this might be a “mom thing” probably doesn’t have to do as much with age as it does with separating our breasts’ “uses”, such as the nurturing comfort they provide as opposed to the sexual desire they stir. To be honest, I think breasts give us the best of both worlds–it’s amazing what they can do!
I’ve been married to an older man for nearly 16 years, and this is the same man that I have nursed for nearly as long; there is something of a role reversal when we nurse. Suddenly, I become the protective caregiver tending to his needs, and it feels wonderful for both of us. Again, I don’t think the role reversal I mentioned has anything to do with age; it’s going to be the same for every couple no matter how old they are or how long they’ve been married. We just think of the experience as loving–and caring for–one another. In the end, you are his wife. You are not his mother; you never have been. Nursing won’t change that. You both may be surprised of how aware you become of the roles you play in one another’s life.
If you feel that you truly want to nurse, don’t let your fear stop you from at least trying the experience. Talk to your husband and see what he thinks. If the process does make you uncomfortable in any way, remember that you can always stop. Nursing truly is a beautiful way to intimately connect with your mate and build a stronger marriage.
My husband recently shared his thoughts on the maternal aspects of ANR, and you can read his open discussion HERE.
Thank you so much for your question! I wish you and your husband many more years of happiness.
Loving Milk Maid ❤️
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