Dear Loving Milk Maid, Can We Talk?

Dear Loving Milk Maid,

My husband and I just began our ANR a little over a week ago, and it has been one of the most amazing things we’ve ever shared as a married couple. I didn’t realize that I would be so overwhelmed with feelings, or that I would have so many unanswered questions! (I’m sure you hear these things a lot!) Unfortunately, I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this. Even ANR forums are generally fairly quiet, which is understandable, but disappointing. I don’t know if this is an appropriate question to ask, but can I email you sometime, just to talk? You always seem to understand how I feel.

Before I answer this question, I’d like to begin by congratulating you and your husband on the opening of your ANR. You have just embarked on one of the most beautiful, rewarding, and fulfilling journeys a couple can ever share; I wish you much continued happiness as you work together to strengthen the intimate bond that you have already forged.

I think it can sometimes be difficult to fully enjoy a lifestyle that is viewed by many as “alternative”, especially when we are so comfortable with it and view it as just another normal and healthy part of our traditional relationship. Adult nursing is often misunderstood and unfairly judged, which makes it incredibly difficult to discuss, even with our closest friends. Because this lifestyle is such a private and personal one, many people are still somewhat uncomfortable talking about it even in a “safe” environment, surrounded by like-minded people, and others find that, because there are so many dynamics of ANR, and we don’t all nurse for the same reason or in the same way, it can be challenging to find a nursing friend who we are compatible with. But they are out there, and so is an AN community that will be perfectly suited to you–it just takes some time to find them!

Most of us are not prepared for the vast wealth of emotions we experience when we first begin our nursing journey; we openly talk about the joy and euphoria, but rarely share the harsher realities: identifying as an adult nursery can be lonely at times, and it can make you feel isolated, especially when you want to share your happiness with the world, or find yourself facing those unknown moments as you learn the nursing and/or lactation process. These are the times when the love and support of an understanding partner become even more important. Open the lines of communication and let each other know that you’re available to talk at any time. Share your joys (and frustrations), celebrate the big ups and weather the little downs together. You might just find that the intimacy of your ANR has helped you to become better communicators–and better listeners. Nobody will ever be able to understand you, your feelings, or your relationship better than the person you love, so trust in one another and enjoy the experience to the fullest! Nursing can be a beautiful part of any relationship!

And you are never truly alone. I’m always just an email away. I’m always very happy to meet new people, and I’m always available to listen, so don’t be afraid to reach out to me. I will celebrate your newfound joy with you and do my best to help you through the uncertain times. Never be embarrassed to ask questions; there is nothing “silly” or “unusual” about enjoying a nursing relationship, and there are no “silly” questions. Often, the nursing experience is a lovely learning process, and few of us know everything it entails, particularly when we’re new to the lifestyle. While some facets are instinctive, others are based on education, practical application, and a lot of trial and error, until we find what works perfectly for us.

I do understand. For years, I thought I was alone, and all of my unanswered questions, concerns, and anxiousness had the potential to diminish the beauty of the experience I shared with Mr. S. I understand the desire to share thoughts and feelings, to find acceptance in a quiet, discreet, and non-judgmental way. Sometimes, we just need someone to tell us that this is okay. And it is okay. As a matter of fact, it’s wonderful. 


Loving Milk Maid ❤️

If you have a question, or just need to talk, you can contact me by email:


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